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IMHO in the examples you give the crate is more of a cruch or a substitute for training. example A dog can be taught to sit or lie quitely in a particular spot while you are eating it is quite easy and does not require a crate. see Table manners

IMHO the crate as a tool for pottytraining is overrated and often abused. It can be very effect at teach one aspect of potty training however and that is for the dog to hold it until it can access an appropriate places to go. But it often abused on the mistake notion a dog will never soil its den, every dog has its limit. I have had to crate confine a dog for seven months total including pre and post surgical care for a soft tissue injury to the leg. I understand the profond psycological effect confinement can have on a dog. I am not condeming the tool but the practice of extended confinement

I think it is best to confine the use of a crate to those instance it is a training tool or used as a safety device. ie confine the dog in the car, or other open area where if they were left to roam free they are in danger of being injured. All my dogs are crate trained and happily go into their crates on command and some time on their own as well. But I do not use it as a substitute for training the proper behavior. Your hubby views your use of the crate as totally as a management technique and never a training tool which is not the case. You on the other hand are a little to eager to embrace it for ease in managing situations rather than take the time to train an appropriate behavior. There is some middle ground. Keep in mind a crate is a tool nothing more or less. It can be used for good as well as bad it is your (plural) decission on how to best deploy it if at all as a training or management tool. Keeping in mind that dogs have been house trained successfully without one. There is always more than one way to accomplish any training task. To be successful however you need to come up with a program and training scheme each of you is comfortable with. and cofindent you can deploy successfully. Two different training styles confuses the dog and slows progress while eventual the dog will learn to adapt.

I say when you can't pay attention to her she should be penned, he says that it will make her more hyperactive.
Niether is correct. At some point the dog needs to be able to explore the world on its own in order to grow up. You can be overprotective and it does not lead to a well behaved stable dog just as being overprotective of a child has negative consequences as well.

The crate can be an excellent interactive training tool. Using it as such might be one way to get the hubby more on board in using it in more management situations as well. In this vain I sugggest the follow video with heavy emphysis of using the crate as an inteactive training tool.

Crate Games for Self-Control & Motivation DVd


and a couple utube video with some of the training in action


 

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The effect of confinment are not the result of the size of the encloser but the deparvity of mental and physical stimulation, In most single dog households the dgo that is not crated or penned spends the vast majority of time sleeping just as the penned or crated dog because of the lack of mental stimulation. Including interactive toy, buster cubes, stuffed kongs etc can go along way in keep a pup stimulated which cuts down dramatically on destructive behavior.
If interested in interactive toy cleck out Interactive toys for one of the larger selections in one location.

The fact the dog is confined is not the reason some are hyper when let out of confinement rather that is caused by thre factor two of which I already mention which confimenent can exaserbate but are easily overcome with some fore thought First is lack of mental stimulation, second is lack of physical exercise. As mentioned befored they physical exercise that a single dog gets when left alone to roam free in the house is not signicantly different that of a confined dog. Excersise is in either case going to occur only when you are hiome so you just have to include that in your schedule.

The thrid cause of overall hyperness is what I condsider one of the most important because it greatly effects how easy the dog is to live with and that is self control. What happens is to often people rely on the confinement to control the dog. rather than training the dog on how to behave appropriate in certain situations. By using the crate in this way the dog is often out of control because it has never be thought how to be in control. They also lack as much mental stimulation because during social encounter because they tend to be out of control they get crated away from it etc. This was my biigest conern when you mentioned using the crate to control the dogs behavior at meal time. Granted it is a streach to say your headed down the slippery path but it could be a step in that direction.

It appears you and your husband disagree on how extensive the use of confinement should be It is best to reach a comprise that you both can live with there appears to be a lot of middle ground to the position you both staked out. Keep in mind no one here knows your living situation nor Snicker's her personality etc so they are not in a position to tell you wlth any authority what is best, you have far more information to make that determination all we can do is offer some prospective and idea, concerns that you may not have considered.
 
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