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I am crying as I write this, I am so upset. As some of you may know or remember, last April (2006) I moved in to a house with my mother because of various issues, including health, loss of work, an abusive partner, etc.
With me are my three kids (ages 9, 12, 14) and two hounds (Mocha, female and Beldin, male) and they're just 2 years old. -- We live upstairs, and my mother and step-dad live downstairs with their dog, Bella, a 6 year old female chow/lab cross. -- All three dogs have been "fixed". -- All three dogs get along great in the yard, there have never been any issues with the dogs fighting or anything of that sort.
My mother's dog is allowed to have full run of the whole house. She gets to come upstairs and wander around and any area of the yard, etc. Mom has made it clear that in her oppinion and as far as the dogs go, the house belongs to Bella. Mean time my hounds are not allowed downstairs. (I don't have a problem with that).
What the issue has been is for the last year mom has done nothing but complain about Mocha and Beldin. Now there's a bit of a history with this ... mom has never ever EVER approved of any pet I have ever owned (just to make a long story short).
Mocha and Beldin are actually very well behaved hounds (especially considering some of the things I have read on this board over the last couple of years). I admit they could do with some more training in a few areas (ie they still try to jump on visitors when they first come over). But all in all, they haven't destroyed any property, they don't eat the walls or flooring or table legs, they have not had any major health issues, and they don't make a lot of noise.
Mom is the type of person that believes dogs need to be trained like in a wolf pack and she'll grab her dog and shove her down and growl in her face, etc. -- I don't ... I don't growl at my dogs or "bark" at them or shove them to the ground or any of that.
Bella has chewed through a door to get upstairs ... she has broken through two baby gates (that we replaced the door with) ... Bella BIT my arm hard enough to break the skin when I tried to get her collar to take her back down stairs because mom decided after letting Bella having the run of the house she didn't want her upstairs anymore (Bella decided she liked it better up here I guess and spent more and more time up here and mom didn't like that).
Our neighbours have complained about "the big black dog" (Bella) barking in the yard but were surprised to find out we had bassets here as well because they hadn't heard them.
My step-dad has told me that yes, Bella is more "polite" with people (she doesn't jump on them or get as excited as the bassets do when company comes over) and she's better trained as far as sitting nice for treats, etc ... but he also says that Bella didn't really start to settle down until she was 5 years old. The hounds are only 2 so dad says "just give them some time" but mom won't stop finding reasons to complain.
For the last year all we've heard every day is how stupid Mocha and Beldin are ... how ugly they are ... how much she dislikes them ... mom even told my daughter "Make sure you latch the gate because as much as I'd like to see YOUR dogs run away I don't want Bella to get out and besides I'm scared the neighbours would just bring them back".
There's nothing wrong with the dogs ... like I said, mom has had issues with any animal I have ever owned. I honestly don't know why.
The thing is, when I first moved in here mom told me "this way you can stay home and be here for the kids, and you don't have to worry about finding a place that will let you keep the dogs".
But NOW (well for the last couple months) she's done nothing but threaten to get rid of the hounds, or tell me to get rid of the hounds and her complaints are getting louder and more frequent.
And she's been undermining ever effort I've been making to find a job or work that I can do from home so I can make more money and still be here to take care of the dogs and the kids.
Lately she's been telling me to go out and find a job (I have NO problem with working) but any time I'm gone longer than two hours she complains long and loud about having to "take care of my smelly beasts".
She doesn't work so she's home all day but even though I make sure the dogs are fed before I go anywhere she complains about having to let them outside to pee or let them in when they scratch at the door.
Even though she took off to Germany for 10 days straight and just assumed I'd be willing to take care of her dog feeding, walking, etc for that time (I didn't have a problem with taking care of her dog, or her fish, or anything ... I did it gladly, but just to show the difference).
So anyway it all came to a head yesterday and now she is basically demanding I find a different home for my hounds. (That is putting it a lot nicer than she did.)
She says she won't tolerate them any more. She wants me to get a full time job, but refuses to help by letting the dogs in and out during the day, she puts them in the kennel and then complains that they whine to get out.
And any time I try find something to do from home like child care or something, she refuses to "allow" me to have "strange children" in "her house". Etc.
She knows damn well that we got Mocha and Beldin for my son in the first place (he's autistic and his psychologist is the one that highly reccomended we get a dog in the first place). And Joseph has been doing a LOT better since we have gotten Mocha and Beldin. I hate to think what would happen if we DID find them another home.
And while I know taking on pets is not a light responsibility and that they are NOT "disposable" and I have been trying to do everything I can to make sure we can keep them things with my mother have been getting worse and worse.
And yes, to me it would be just like her telling me to get rid of the kids ... but you know what? She HAS done that too! When I was sick with cancer and in the hospital she decided she didn't want to help take care of the kids any longer because she wasn't able to get paid by the government for "babysitting" her own grandkids so she called me in the hospital and told me I needed to find a temp foster home for the kids and then fight to get them back when I was healthy. -- Luckily I was able to find someone else willing to help watch the kids for me til I got out of the hospital.
I have been trying to find some type of doggy daycare for the hounds while I am not home, but anything around here sdo far is HUGELY expensive and I haven't gotten another job yet. I simply can't afford it.
I don't have any friends in a position to be able to take care of the dogs for me during the day.
If it was up to me, I would tell my mom if she didn't like it she could leave, but I'm not in a position to be able to do that at the moment. She ownes most of this place.
And I can't just move. Housing here is not good at the moment ... too many people needing places and not enough places available. Rent has gone way high and even if I could afford to just move... trying to find a place that would be willing to allow two dogs is nearly impossible ...
My children are very upset at hearing the constant negativity and I feel sick to my stomache ... I just don't know what to do.
Dad tends to be more reasonable than my mother but he won't say anything cause he's learned long ago to just "keep the peace" he keeps his oppinions to himself when it's not something he feels he can really do anything about.
I do not want to have to give up Mocha and Beldin... as far as I am concerned they are as much a part of my family as anyone else in this house. AND they were gotten in the first place for the mental and emotional health of my son. So there's a lot to consider here other than just my mother's complaints (if it wasn't the hounds it would be something else).
I just don't know what to do.
If I could afford to I would put them in doggy daycare while I'm out at work or looking for a job or whatever so mom wouldn't even have to worry about letting them out to pee ... If I could afford to I would put both dogs in obediance classes til they were so well mannered and polite that even SHE couldn't find anything to comaplain about their behaviour ... If I could afford to I would just move - or buy out her half of the house and tell HER to move!
But I can't afford any of that right now.
I feel so stuck.
If anyone has any advice, or suggestions ... I'm all ears.
With me are my three kids (ages 9, 12, 14) and two hounds (Mocha, female and Beldin, male) and they're just 2 years old. -- We live upstairs, and my mother and step-dad live downstairs with their dog, Bella, a 6 year old female chow/lab cross. -- All three dogs have been "fixed". -- All three dogs get along great in the yard, there have never been any issues with the dogs fighting or anything of that sort.
My mother's dog is allowed to have full run of the whole house. She gets to come upstairs and wander around and any area of the yard, etc. Mom has made it clear that in her oppinion and as far as the dogs go, the house belongs to Bella. Mean time my hounds are not allowed downstairs. (I don't have a problem with that).
What the issue has been is for the last year mom has done nothing but complain about Mocha and Beldin. Now there's a bit of a history with this ... mom has never ever EVER approved of any pet I have ever owned (just to make a long story short).
Mocha and Beldin are actually very well behaved hounds (especially considering some of the things I have read on this board over the last couple of years). I admit they could do with some more training in a few areas (ie they still try to jump on visitors when they first come over). But all in all, they haven't destroyed any property, they don't eat the walls or flooring or table legs, they have not had any major health issues, and they don't make a lot of noise.
Mom is the type of person that believes dogs need to be trained like in a wolf pack and she'll grab her dog and shove her down and growl in her face, etc. -- I don't ... I don't growl at my dogs or "bark" at them or shove them to the ground or any of that.
Bella has chewed through a door to get upstairs ... she has broken through two baby gates (that we replaced the door with) ... Bella BIT my arm hard enough to break the skin when I tried to get her collar to take her back down stairs because mom decided after letting Bella having the run of the house she didn't want her upstairs anymore (Bella decided she liked it better up here I guess and spent more and more time up here and mom didn't like that).
Our neighbours have complained about "the big black dog" (Bella) barking in the yard but were surprised to find out we had bassets here as well because they hadn't heard them.
My step-dad has told me that yes, Bella is more "polite" with people (she doesn't jump on them or get as excited as the bassets do when company comes over) and she's better trained as far as sitting nice for treats, etc ... but he also says that Bella didn't really start to settle down until she was 5 years old. The hounds are only 2 so dad says "just give them some time" but mom won't stop finding reasons to complain.
For the last year all we've heard every day is how stupid Mocha and Beldin are ... how ugly they are ... how much she dislikes them ... mom even told my daughter "Make sure you latch the gate because as much as I'd like to see YOUR dogs run away I don't want Bella to get out and besides I'm scared the neighbours would just bring them back".
There's nothing wrong with the dogs ... like I said, mom has had issues with any animal I have ever owned. I honestly don't know why.
The thing is, when I first moved in here mom told me "this way you can stay home and be here for the kids, and you don't have to worry about finding a place that will let you keep the dogs".
But NOW (well for the last couple months) she's done nothing but threaten to get rid of the hounds, or tell me to get rid of the hounds and her complaints are getting louder and more frequent.
And she's been undermining ever effort I've been making to find a job or work that I can do from home so I can make more money and still be here to take care of the dogs and the kids.
Lately she's been telling me to go out and find a job (I have NO problem with working) but any time I'm gone longer than two hours she complains long and loud about having to "take care of my smelly beasts".
She doesn't work so she's home all day but even though I make sure the dogs are fed before I go anywhere she complains about having to let them outside to pee or let them in when they scratch at the door.
Even though she took off to Germany for 10 days straight and just assumed I'd be willing to take care of her dog feeding, walking, etc for that time (I didn't have a problem with taking care of her dog, or her fish, or anything ... I did it gladly, but just to show the difference).
So anyway it all came to a head yesterday and now she is basically demanding I find a different home for my hounds. (That is putting it a lot nicer than she did.)
She says she won't tolerate them any more. She wants me to get a full time job, but refuses to help by letting the dogs in and out during the day, she puts them in the kennel and then complains that they whine to get out.
And any time I try find something to do from home like child care or something, she refuses to "allow" me to have "strange children" in "her house". Etc.
She knows damn well that we got Mocha and Beldin for my son in the first place (he's autistic and his psychologist is the one that highly reccomended we get a dog in the first place). And Joseph has been doing a LOT better since we have gotten Mocha and Beldin. I hate to think what would happen if we DID find them another home.
And while I know taking on pets is not a light responsibility and that they are NOT "disposable" and I have been trying to do everything I can to make sure we can keep them things with my mother have been getting worse and worse.
And yes, to me it would be just like her telling me to get rid of the kids ... but you know what? She HAS done that too! When I was sick with cancer and in the hospital she decided she didn't want to help take care of the kids any longer because she wasn't able to get paid by the government for "babysitting" her own grandkids so she called me in the hospital and told me I needed to find a temp foster home for the kids and then fight to get them back when I was healthy. -- Luckily I was able to find someone else willing to help watch the kids for me til I got out of the hospital.
I have been trying to find some type of doggy daycare for the hounds while I am not home, but anything around here sdo far is HUGELY expensive and I haven't gotten another job yet. I simply can't afford it.
I don't have any friends in a position to be able to take care of the dogs for me during the day.
If it was up to me, I would tell my mom if she didn't like it she could leave, but I'm not in a position to be able to do that at the moment. She ownes most of this place.
And I can't just move. Housing here is not good at the moment ... too many people needing places and not enough places available. Rent has gone way high and even if I could afford to just move... trying to find a place that would be willing to allow two dogs is nearly impossible ...
My children are very upset at hearing the constant negativity and I feel sick to my stomache ... I just don't know what to do.
Dad tends to be more reasonable than my mother but he won't say anything cause he's learned long ago to just "keep the peace" he keeps his oppinions to himself when it's not something he feels he can really do anything about.
I do not want to have to give up Mocha and Beldin... as far as I am concerned they are as much a part of my family as anyone else in this house. AND they were gotten in the first place for the mental and emotional health of my son. So there's a lot to consider here other than just my mother's complaints (if it wasn't the hounds it would be something else).
I just don't know what to do.
If I could afford to I would put them in doggy daycare while I'm out at work or looking for a job or whatever so mom wouldn't even have to worry about letting them out to pee ... If I could afford to I would put both dogs in obediance classes til they were so well mannered and polite that even SHE couldn't find anything to comaplain about their behaviour ... If I could afford to I would just move - or buy out her half of the house and tell HER to move!
But I can't afford any of that right now.
I feel so stuck.
If anyone has any advice, or suggestions ... I'm all ears.