We went ahead with the prednisone and chemo meds. The 45 staples didn't bother him,they bothered me.I knew underneath was a black"thing" that was eating you alive,and there was nothing I could do about it.That night (as I did so many nights after) I stayed awake and watched you sleep.I curled up beside you and whispered in your ear,"Bubby Boy,you will need to let me know when this thing is too much for you.I'm afraid I won't know.I promise I won't allow you to suffer,but you will need to tell me." Bubba turned his head to me and licked the tears running down my face.It seemed as if he understood. June,July,and August came and went. There were times I would think,"Surly the vet made a mistake." Other than your medication making you gain 20 lbs(he was now 90 lbs),you acted like there was nothing wrong.In my heart,though,I knew each day I had with you brought me one day closer to the end. The Vet was surprised you made it so long. You were at the four month mark in September,then came October,November,and December. The week after Christmas was good except on Dec.30th you didn't come to greet Celia and I as we brought in groceries.I asked Celia where you were,she said you were in the room laying down.I got goose pimples, that wasn't like you. I went in the room ,you were laying there with your head raised,I asked you what was wrong. Slowly you got up and came to me. I just cried because I knew. In a rush I called the Vet to take you in that night,but thinking again,I said,"I want one more night with him we'll do this tomorrow." That evening I stayed with you .Fred,my husband came in and sat on the floor.You came over,put your huge front paws up,one on each shoulder,licked his face,then lay your head in his lap. I knew you were saying good-bye. I stayed awake,watching you sleep,but this time you were uncomfortable and didn't sleep well. I gave you one of my mother's pain pills,what was it going to hurt.You slept after that. Our appointment was for 12 noon, December 31,2002.
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