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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I got this in an email from a friend today and it gave me a smile. Hope it does the same for you all:

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than
you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and
cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I
also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I
must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I
have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or
feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the
following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
About Our Pets :

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture That's why they call it 'fur'niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours
and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than
kids because they:
1 Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

1,244 Posts
That's great! I printed it out and posted it in the teacher's lounge for all my animal loving co-workers!


3,525 Posts
1 Eat less
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
9. Don't want to wear your clothes[/b]
1. Eat less - ????? Not by much, they don't!
3. Are easier to train :blink: - You're joking, right? Do you have a Basset? ;)
4. Normally come when called :blink: - again... Do you have a Basset? :)
5. Never ask to drive the car - but do insist on riding shotgun B).
9. Don't want to wear your clothes - but they will chew them to peices. :eek:

I couldn't resist. :lol: :lol:
All else is true...
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