You want to be slim?

Emma and Doris · 09-30-2006, 04:19 AM

I was buying a large bag of Purina at the shop and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the diet. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

--------------------
<span style="color:#009900">The one that drools rules, :P
Steinar - daddy and foodslave to Emma and Doris!

http://www.basset-hound.net.tf</span>

sadeyes2 · 09-30-2006, 05:27 AM

Good One!!!

Steinar, a word of advice......next time try licking your A*** instead, that way you will be able to see what's coming up from the rear. :P

Beverly Anne · 09-30-2006, 09:06 AM

Steinar, you are totally crazy. I loved that story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

onda_bianca · 09-30-2006, 09:10 AM

This made me laugh quite a bit. I love people.

Betsy Iole · 09-30-2006, 09:27 AM

Elmer-n-Button · 09-30-2006, 09:45 AM

!!
Great Story!
I guess if you ask a silly question . . . you should expect a creative answer!

Over here, Steinar, there is a comedian who uses those types of stories in his performances--Bill Enghardt. He's got a whole act devoted to "Here's your sign" (A "stupid" sign) Pretty funny stuff.

Emma looks quite relaxed, and not a bit concerned about being slim!

Valerie and George · 09-30-2006, 10:33 AM

Steinar, you really do have an evil streak. I knew there was a reason I like you!

When I saw the thread title, I thought it was going to be Emma's diet tips and I was thinking, um, Emma doesn't seem to know much about being slim. :P

So tell us, did the lady run back into the store to buy some Purina for herself?

corvuss · 09-30-2006, 05:56 PM

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I'm gonna steal that one and tell it at the Tailgate Party tomorrow! (NFL, Ravens vs. Chargers)

It was a good funny story just making up the diet, but the punchline was pure genius! :P

Emma and Doris · 10-01-2006, 05:31 AM

Just steal away!

To be honest,
I haven't sucked out of my own breast,
as a Norwegian saying says,
meaning I've stolen it myself! :P

--------------------
<span style="color:#009900">The one that drools rules, :P
Steinar - daddy and foodslave to Emma and Doris!

http://www.basset-hound.net.tf</span>

Rubydoo · 10-01-2006, 06:19 PM

How funny and how familiar! I was at Petsmart last week and was talking with the clerk about a particular toy I wanted to get for my "daughter" for her birthday. Seeing that I was grinning like a fool and used my hands to mimic the quote sign, I figured she would know what I meant.

She asked me the name of my "daughter" and I said it's Ruby and she's a basset hound. The clerk still looked puzzled and asked, "how can your basset hound be your daughter?" I replied "it's because I'm her mother." I kid you not, her head almost went all the way around like in The Exorcist before she got it.....

DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

09-30-2006, 09:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
Beverly Anne Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Boston MA Posts: 737	Steinar, you are totally crazy. I loved that story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________ Francis's Bevy

09-30-2006, 09:10 AM	#4 (permalink)
onda_bianca Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 15	This made me laugh quite a bit. I love people. __________________ Jenny and Chloe

09-30-2006, 09:27 AM	#5 (permalink)
Betsy Iole Senior Member Join Date: Dec 1969 Posts: 4,901	__________________ Betsy, Mom to CH Bugle Bay's Sin City Caper UD RE TD BHCA-VC CH Bugle Bay's Sin City Cuppa Joe TD CH Bugle Bay's AllUCanEat Buffet CDX RN TDX NA CGC BHCA-VCX, 1996-2008 "Bugsie" UDX NA NAJ CGC, 1991-2006

09-30-2006, 09:45 AM	#6 (permalink)
Elmer-n-Button Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 465	!! Great Story! I guess if you ask a silly question . . . you should expect a creative answer! Over here, Steinar, there is a comedian who uses those types of stories in his performances--Bill Enghardt. He's got a whole act devoted to "Here's your sign" (A "stupid" sign) Pretty funny stuff. Emma looks quite relaxed, and not a bit concerned about being slim! __________________ Arrrooooos from Bubby Boo, Dee Dee and Elmee Too!

10-01-2006, 06:19 PM	#10 (permalink)
Rubydoo Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Southern California Posts: 1,681	How funny and how familiar! I was at Petsmart last week and was talking with the clerk about a particular toy I wanted to get for my "daughter" for her birthday. Seeing that I was grinning like a fool and used my hands to mimic the quote sign, I figured she would know what I meant. She asked me the name of my "daughter" and I said it's Ruby and she's a basset hound. The clerk still looked puzzled and asked, "how can your basset hound be your daughter?" I replied "it's because I'm her mother." I kid you not, her head almost went all the way around like in The Exorcist before she got it..... DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________ http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...w/IMG_1340.jpg Take a basset hound to lunch today! --Bassets rule....and drool!

09-30-2006, 04:19 AM	#1 (permalink)
Emma and Doris Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Oslo, Lørenskog, Norway Posts: 3,124	I was buying a large bag of Purina at the shop and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the diet. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. -------------------- <span style="color:#009900">The one that drools rules, :P Steinar - daddy and foodslave to Emma and Doris! http://www.basset-hound.net.tf</span>

09-30-2006, 05:27 AM	#2 (permalink)
sadeyes2 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: glasgow Posts: 589	Good One!!! Steinar, a word of advice......next time try licking your A*** instead, that way you will be able to see what's coming up from the rear. :P

09-30-2006, 10:33 AM	#7 (permalink)
Valerie and George Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 813	Steinar, you really do have an evil streak. I knew there was a reason I like you! When I saw the thread title, I thought it was going to be Emma's diet tips and I was thinking, um, Emma doesn't seem to know much about being slim. :P So tell us, did the lady run back into the store to buy some Purina for herself?

09-30-2006, 05:56 PM	#8 (permalink)
corvuss Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Abingdon, Maryland Posts: 714	BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I'm gonna steal that one and tell it at the Tailgate Party tomorrow! (NFL, Ravens vs. Chargers) It was a good funny story just making up the diet, but the punchline was pure genius! :P

10-01-2006, 05:31 AM	#9 (permalink)
Emma and Doris Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Oslo, Lørenskog, Norway Posts: 3,124	Just steal away! To be honest, I haven't sucked out of my own breast, as a Norwegian saying says, meaning I've stolen it myself! :P -------------------- <span style="color:#009900">The one that drools rules, :P Steinar - daddy and foodslave to Emma and Doris! http://www.basset-hound.net.tf</span>

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